Before I even decided to get pregnant, I knew there was a choice I needed to make. There were so many things I wanted to do – like go back to University and become a forensic scientist, travel the world, climb mountains (not figuratively, actual mountains). But I knew that I wanted to be a mother, and all of those things could wait, but having chldren, that had a time limit on it. So I chose having children, and put everything else off until later.
And I am happy with that choice. I will always be happy with that choice. I can’t look at this face and not be over the moon.
Look at that. Eating rice and honey soy vegetables, and being wildly entertained by her Aunt, while I play paparazzi. She likes the veges, because it’s like a little treasure hunt, where she searches for baby corn and bamboo shoots.
But sometimes, after she’s gone to bed, when I have the space and time to be me, and not just a mother, I think of other things. Like how I long for travel, to see the redwoods of California, or the mountains in New Zealand, to explore everything. And now of course, I wouldn’t want to do anything without her. I would want to do all of those things with Josh and her, either on our backs, or walking slow and holding her chubby hand. But we are constrained by money, or lack of money, so it’s not something we could do right now. So sometimes, when it’s quiet, I mourn that.
Of course, she is our biggest adventure. So craving another adventure seems almost greedy. And yet, there it is, greedy or not. Sometimes my gypsy spirit just feels penned in, as though putting it off has only made it all the more stronger.
But then I remember her sloppy kisses, and her chubby arms around my neck, and the kind of life I want to create for her – and for us. And I remember, that she gave birth to me, not the other way around.
My name is Zoey. 
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