trying to conceive

7 Months

Piper is motoring around now. She looks like an adorable baby octopus with limbs flailing everywhere as she moves with alarming speed across the floor. And no matter how much I vacuum she still looks like a human duster. I like how when I go to pick her up she tries to keep crawling up [...]

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242/365 Sleep Deprivation

I used to be able to just put the Squishy down at 6 every night and she’d be off without a protest until around 10:30. But lately she’s been hard to get to sleep, particularly at night. At first I try her in her bed. That usually doesn’t work and I lie down with her [...]

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Being Unprepared

I was reading The Feminist is Breeding and it resonated with how I’ve felt being pregnant and no longer trying to conceive. After 9 months of trying, I stopped even thinking about being pregnant. It was just all about getting a positive pregnancy test. I didn’t think about baby stuff or doctors appointments or making [...]

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The End of Surreal

My 8 months of trying to conceive was long, gruelling and emotionally harrowing. And really, by comparison to the length of time it takes some people who suffer with secondary fertility it is a relatively short period of time. And yet, there’s nothing about it that seems short. I have an infinite respect for other [...]

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The Arch Nemesis

Yes, the pregnancy test is my arch nemesis. I don’t think it’s weird at all that I’m almost phobic about an inanimate object. For months, pregnancy tests have tortured me with cold, hard, horribly accurate negatives. I hate even the idea of taking one. Because as much as I hate not knowing, it still has [...]

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Confusion, Denial and Cycle 8

I spot the day before my period at 1pm. That’s how it’s been for the last 6 months. It may be longer and it’s only recently that I’ve noticed. It’ hard to say. It’s how I know that a cycle is a bust. There have been other months where I’ve held out hope after the [...]

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Cycle 8

I lie there. Riley is next to me, in the big bed. I wait to see if she’ll go to sleep. She fights naps now, which probably means she’s ready to give them up, but I hold on to them still. I have my back to her. So she won’t see me crying. And I [...]

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Emotions Run High

Today was not a good day. PMS arrived with a vengeance, proving beyond a doubt that I’m not pregnant. And even though I kind of knew that, there’s nothing like disappointment and back pain to dampen your mood. Thinking that the best thing to do would be to combine my two favourite things – chocolate [...]

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The Way Things Are

So I might have said something recently about not blogging about trying to conceive. And I might be going back on that already. A girl has the right to change her mind, right? I could rationalise that I’m still not blogging about the two week wait, just pregnancy in general. But really, that’s one of [...]

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No More Blogging

When I first started blogging about my trying to conceive journey it seemed like it would be helpful. Cathartic even. To be able to vent all my neurotic thoughts and have them out of my head. To have a place where I could rattle on about symptoms and blather on about the two week wait. [...]

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