When I look at this picture of my newborn blob, the pregnancy was completely worth it. If only you could know that while you were pregnant.
When I got pregnant we were still living in Sydney. I resonate with what Geek in Heels has to say about the loneliness of pregnancy. At the time most of our friends were unmarried but even if attached they definitely didn’t have any kids. I was still smoking when I got pregnant and probably drank about three times a week so it was a real lifestyle change. And it was much the same for Josh. Although prior to getting pregnant he scoffed at men who drank alcohol when their wives were pregnant, the idea of solidarity in numbers was soon thrown out the window. And proceeded to freak out on a regular basis – “I’m never going to be able to go out ever again”, “I might as well drink while I still have the chance” – you get the idea. And while he did an admirable job at putting up with my hormones – my life had already changed and his hadn’t yet. There were a few undesirable arguments in public places . . .
I was excited to be pregnant, but I was not one of those people who fell in love with their unborn child. It just didn’t happen. I was protective and did everything I could to ensure that she was healthy but I struggled to relate to someone, who was to me still in the abstract.
I would go out with my friends and watch them get progressively more and more drunk while I was stone cold sober. Everyone has their limits so I wouldn’t usually stay out that long. Drunk people are only witty/amusing/entertaining to other drunk people. Most of the time I stayed at home and read – often three books in one night (in hindsight this now seems quite heavenly) because I had never been so alone and I wanted to escape to a place where I wasn’t so alone.
It helped that from early one the little one was kicking me (from around 12 weeks) letting me know that I might feel alone but I wasn’t.
My name is Zoey. 
5 
22 
353
Say It With Facebook