The Push and Pull of Independence

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‘I love you. I need you. Don’t touch me. Don’t help me. And please, don’t even look at me the wrong way’.

That seems to be the message I’m getting from Miss Riley at the moment. She craves her independence with a fiery passion. And yet, at times she cannot bare to be separate, or on her own. And sometimes her frustration with some of her physical abilities threatens to overwhelm her entire being.

I read this beautiful post by Kelly Diels about how sometimes ‘I’m scared’ really means I need you. And it resonated with me, for where we are at the moment.

She spent all of Sunday rejecting all touches, glances and closeness where I was concerned. It’s not unusual. Whenever Josh gets up with her in the morning, she’s his for the day. Which is lovely. And it’s not personal, she’s just a one person kind of girl. Of course, all bets were off when it came time to sleep. My presence was required. And even when she seemed asleep, she would call out for me to come back in and be with her.

It’s a challenging period of time, for her and for me. On a bad day it feels like she’s screaming blue murder at me all day for trying to help when she wants to go it alone or for not being able to include her in every little thing that I do or just because something falls out of her vice-like grip or . . . and the list goes on. And then in the afternoon and at night she strongly resembles a barnacle. On a bad day, my head hurts from the yelling and screaming and crying.

My solution? Ride it out. It’s worked surprisingly well in the past. And on a good day, we are back to smiles and kisses and new words, giving me just enough strength to withstand the next round.

Today was a good day. Even with a morning of meltdowns. And all it took was her trundling out into the kitchen after her nap – arm’s outstretched – ‘I’m back!’

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Tagged as: clingyness, independence, tantrums, toddlers

http://www.digitalwoe.com/photos/ Lynda

Oh, it’s kind of sad in a way. As a baby, we could pick them up and cuddle and kiss them whenever we wanted! Now they have to WANT us to do that! Elias was never a cuddly baby and there was a period of time shortly before and after he turned two where we barely even touched him since he didn’t want to give us any cuddles and wanted to be independent. Now, thankfully, he gives hugs and kisses in plenty when you ask him for them.

I mentioned this before, but Elias went through terrible fits when he was around two. I’m positive it was because he wanted to communicate with me more than he could. Once he learned some more words and improved his vocabulary and gained control of his emotions, the screaming and tantrums ended.

Now I’m awaiting the terrible threes!

http://goodgoog.com Zoey @ Good Goog

I know what you mean – there was something a whole less complicated about the baby stage! I’m sure a lot of the meltdowns come from communication issues and not knowing what to do with some of her more intense emotions.

I hear three is the new two. I am not enthused.

http://themuffinmonsterbubbalugblog.blogspot.com MuffinMonsterBB

I just smother them with hugs and kisses anyway. They might scream and yell at me, but I know they like it

http://goodgoog.com Zoey @ Good Goog

I usually manage to sneak one in here or there

http://www.science-at-home.org Deb

We have two little Miss Independents! But then come the koala days when you have velcro toddler attached to your leg. Words are wonderful, although now we’re finding we have to ask the little one what she wants to do as well. Before she was happily compliant so long as I was carrying her, now she wants to do her own things.

http://goodgoog.com Zoey @ Good Goog

Yes – I had a velcro toddler today – wanted to be carried EVERYWHERE – but it’s so rare now that I quite liked it

http://www.unlikelymama.net Amber

FACK this sounds like the last few days we’ve had here. I guess it’s time to admit Alexa has succumbed the the beast know as “meltdown”.

http://goodgoog.com Zoey @ Good Goog

I’m finding prevention is best (if it can be managed). For both of us!

http://www.unlikelymama.net Amber

Seriously didn’t occur to me that her craptastic moods these days could be attributed to HER personality! Ok, I’m dense. But I just assumed it was the usual suspects (tired, hungry, wet…baby stuff). But she’s kind of a toddler now. Snuck up on me!

http://beckyandjames.com Becky

Ahh, yes. We are experiencing the same issues currently, the bad days simply exhaust us both. I hope it’s not a long stage…

http://goodgoog.com Zoey @ Good Goog

Me too. I’m currently on the couch while Riley creates what I can only assume will be a great giant mess of toys. Too tired to move.

http://www.bing.com/ Monkey

You’ve got to be kidding me-it’s so tanrspraetnly clear now!
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http://www.blogger.com/profile/12932508388869573748 Megan

Ah, toddlers. My little girl is not big on the cuddles BUT she is big on showing off all her animal noises and actions… so I taught her what a koala does (cuddles). That’s one of the only ways I get a cuddle these days, by tricking her into it!