When I was pregnant I thought long and hard about immunisation. I wasn’t sure if it was the right choice. So I researched, and then researched some more. My concern was for two things really. Firstly I think that there is a trend towards over-medication which can lead to an erosion of the natural immune system. And secondly, I am paranoid about autism. There’s no rhyme or reason to it. It’s just one of those things that totally terrifies me. When I see Riley line things up in a perfect row, it totally freaks me out. Even though I know it is hardly an indicator for autism.
I think the thing that scares me the most about autism is its (relatively) late onset. That you can have an engaged, happy, social, talkative little creature who slowly backslides into a shell of their former self. I saw a program on a couple who had six children and they were all autistic (at varying levels of the spectrum). I am in total awe of them. And you could see how painful it was for them to completely love and adore their children who weren’t capable of outwardly engaging with them or demonstrating any love in return.
Everyone has their inexplicable fears with their children I guess. My other half doesn’t give autism a second thought, but is completely paranoid about congenital birth defects.
But before we wander to far into the quagmire of my neurosis, I should probably get back to immunisation. In the end (based on my research) it seemed that it was more likely that autism was genetic rather than related to immunisations, or at worst immunisations may have been a trigger for a genetic tendency. And after looking at the risk factors for other complications to do with immunisations I decided to get Riley’s shots done. This was mainly because it would be impossible to put Riley in child care if she wasn’t immunised. And although I wasn’t planning on using child care, I wanted to have the option if we needed it. The other part of the decision was mostly emotional. I felt that if the worst happened I would be better able to live with my choice if she had complications associated with an immunisation as opposed to getting sick from one of the diseases that the immmunisations protect her from.
It wasn’t until her episode of epiglottitis that I really thought about it again. Although you might think that given she got something that she was immunised against, it would make me question my original choice. The opposite was true. I could see that if she hadn’t been immunised, she may have died before we’d even gotten to the hospital. Not to mention that it is my belief that while many children who are not immunised will not necessarily get sick, in large part they are protected by the majority of the population who is immunised.
Before Riley was born I had a similar attitude to antibiotics. Erode the natural immune system. Bad. But when she’s got a ludicrously high temperature, developing a bad cough and generally under the weather, I don’t hesitate to give her antibiotics anymore. Other than her hospital visit, she’s probably had two lots of antibiotics in her young life. My preference is to avoid them, but that is quickly over-ridden by wanting her to get better as soon as humanly possible.
So here I am, sucked into the medical mainstream. Because when I’m faced with my sick little munchkin, all the rationales for allowing her immune system to develop on its own go out the window, and I make emotional decisions about helping her to feel better. I don’t know if it’s good or bad. But it’s very easy to stand behind your arguments in an emotionless vacuum and something else entirely when you’re baby is crying her heart out.
My name is Zoey. 
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