Things I Learnt in My First Year – Part 1

It’s Never as Easy as It Seems . . .

It seems impossible to start a series on all the things I learnt in my first year as a mother without starting at the beginning with breast-feeding.

It Didn’t Come Naturally (At First)

I had always assumed with all the beautiful images I had seen of a mother and a newborn, and the fact that I was a breast-fed baby myself that the act of breast-feeding would come very naturally to me. But it didn’t – we had a bumpy ride at first. I had about five different midwives give me ten different approaches to correct latching on – none of which saved me from cracked and grazed nipples. Or perhaps because I wasn’t sure which one would be the best so I probably tried them all off and on. By the time I was actually aware that she wasn’t latching on properly, my nipples were already damaged and the initial latch on would be excruciatingly painful and it would only be 10 seconds later that the pain would diminish. I was devastated, all I wanted to do was breast-feed my beautiful baby and I didn’t know how much more of it I could take. I’m extraordinarily stubborn, so I persisted.

Sometimes All You Need is A Bit of Encouragement

Just when I needed it I had a follow up with one of the midwives from the outpatient program. I was at the point of dreading the two or three hourly feeds, and that in itself felt like a failure to me, because more than anything I wanted to be able to enjoy it. It’s amazing what a small gesture of empathy and confidence will do for you. Just the simple act of her telling me how impressed she was, given the level of the damage, that I had continued breast-feeding and how obvious it was how much I loved my daughter was enough to give me the drive to continue on. She also gave me the confidence to do so by letting me know that only I could know what the best position was and that I just needed to experiment.

Routines Don’t Apply

Once I had my confidence back we settled into happily breast-feeding, I healed within a week or two and we never looked back. Feeding on demand in those early weeks was relatively intense, but because of my rocky start I relished all that time I spent with my daughter. There were days where it seemed like

she was attached to me (for the most part) for five or six hours, but I figured if that’s what she wanted then that is what I would do. I discovered early on that trying to impose a routine of three-hourly feeds or whatever else was a waste of time with my little one. So sometimes it was every two hours, sometimes every hour and sometimes every three or four. In time, she established her own routine.

The Myths of Sleeping

Every baby book you read will tell you to not let them fall asleep while breast-feeding, or at least to avoid it where you can and to avoid all other sleep “associations” so that babies can learn to go to sleep on their own. I found this to be both impractical and ridiculous. My little one fell asleep on the breast and when that didn’t send her off to dreamland she was rocked. I was hardly going to jolt her awake when she did fall asleep breast-feeding or attempt some early sleep training program – I believed that she would learn to do this when she was good and ready and not a day before.

Too Much or Not Enough

Milk supply often gets blamed for a whole range of problems because it is extremely difficult to quantify – you have no idea really how much you have and how much your little one is getting. But one of the things I’ve discovered is that with on demand feeding there is almost never a problem with milk supply – it’s always to do with something else – whether it be teething, a growth spurt, a sleep regression or just a clingy day. It’s also impossible to tell what your milk supply is like from expressing because if you’re anything like me it took heaps of practice before I was any good at it. And even then, a baby is far more effective than a pump will ever be.

When It’s Gone . . .

I think no matter what time you wean, there will always be a part of you that misses it. For me, when I weaned my little one at 1 year we were both ready, but even so there are always times when I miss it. I particularly miss exclusive breast-feeding when I’m trying to convince my increasingly stubborn (now toddler) that dinner is a good idea and she’s blowing raspberries with my carefully prepared meal. Or when she’s having a particularly rough time with teething and I wish I could offer her that extra comfort that breast-feeding offers. But mostly, it just makes you appreciate that brief time of baby-dom all the more.

Tagged as: baby, breastfeeding how to, cracked nipples, expect the first year