Just Get Angry – The Mummy Right

by Zoey @ Good Googs on May 22, 2010

I was on facebook this evening and into my feed popped a new piece of information about panadol and immunisation thanks to Be a Fun Mum

Which was interesting I thought. Because various GPs and nurses had often recommended to me that I give Riley panadol BEFORE her shots. And for the record, my mum (who is a nurse) was always very keen on me not giving Riley anything before she was sick. I opted for not because I figured that panadol is fast acting and if anything came up later she could always have it later. It just seemed pointless to give her anything before she was even sick. That being said she invariably ended up with a high temperature afterwards (except for her 18 month shots) and I’ve always given her panadol to take the edge off it.

Following this post most people were commenting with similar sentiments to mine – that’s interesting, I was recommended this, I did that. But someone took offense to it (as they had always given panadol before) and called into question the validity of the statement. And it was a little narky too. And I found that really interesting.

It wasn’t that long ago that The Feminist Breeder wrote When It Comes to Breastfeeding We Can’t Handle The Truth and it broke the internet. Seriously. Why is it that when new information or research comes to light there is all of this defensive posturing?

Maybe it’s because with all of all the love, passion, time, challenge and investment that goes into parenting, it’s important to be right, or at the very least feel right. Everyone wants to feel like they are doing the right thing. And sometimes, if you can’t be right, being angry is just as good. The best defense is a good offense and all of that.

But this isn’t a war. It’s not a competition. Parenting isn’t based on some adversarial system where when our children reach maturity one bunch of parents are declared victorious and the others slump home in defeat.

It’s no secret that I identify as an attachment parent and I talk alot about cosleeping and gentle discipline and not exerting my control unless it’s necessary. But do I think I’m somehow superior or right than somebody who has a different view? No. I’m passionate about it. But I’m passionate about it for me. And to be honest, in parenting, as well as in attachment parenting ideals I succeed as much as I fail. There’s no right and wrong. There’s just the best that I can offer on any given day.

Once upon a time, more information was a good thing – not ammunition or a slur. And I’ll say it, if you can’t accept any new information you’ll always be angry and you’ll never be right.

If you’re interested in further information about panadol and immunisation it can be found here.

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  • http://childhood101.blogspot.com/ Christie – Childhood 101

    I truly wish we could get to a place where we listened to and learned from other parents, without judgement, the need to feel justified or feelings of guilt. We all walk a different path. Even those within one community, such as the attachment parenting community, every family is different – different dynamics, personalities, interpretation of practices, etc. Your family is individual. Most parents do the best they can do knowing their own children, with the information they have at the time. Why can’t this be enough?
    .-= Christie – Childhood 101´s last blog ..It Was All So Simple Then =-.

  • http://www.livinglifeasme.wordpress.com Annieb25

    Great post. I totally agree. The world is not black and white and too often people judge based on their own starting point. Parents are not perfect – we are people and we will make mistakes and we will also do great things for our kids. Interesting how people get so riled up about things. You are so right – it’s not war and it’s not a competition – it is parenting.
    .-= Annieb25´s last blog ..My Friends are Like Teapots =-.

  • http://www.digitalwoe.com/photos/ Lynda

    There will always be parents who are defensive of the choices they make when information comes to light that it may have actually been a less than beneficial decision. Also, it is too easy to become passionately enraged when you see another parent make what you feel is an uninformed decision.

    I somewhat disagree in that there are studies indicating why breastfeeding, not letting a baby CIO, not spanking, etc are all beneficial. Some parenting choices, such as cloth diapering, babywearing, giving timeouts are just that – the best choice you can make for your family; it might be beneficial or it might not be, but usually no lasting harm is done either way.

    Still, as you indicate, even with the larger choices I mentioned above, it’s not as simple as being right or wrong.
    .-= Lynda´s last blog ..An Amateur Photographer Parent’s Dilemma [138/365] =-.

  • http://www.yourcheekymonkey.blogspot.com/ Monique

    I love your honest view thank you. And I agree, in parenting none of us can be right all the time – all we can do is our best on any given day! Oh, and I never gave my boys panadol BEFORE the immunizations, it just sort of seemed to be putting the cart before the horse if you know what I mean!
    .-= Monique´s last blog ..My Child Feature =-.

  • http://www.unlikelymama.net Amber

    Being “right” implies that there’s a “wrong”. In most cases, I wish people would just be ok with “different”. Like you said, it’s not a competition…because unless you screw up royally, there are no losers.
    .-= Amber´s last blog ..Mind Your Business =-.

  • http://www.helpmum.com.au Tenille

    Becoming a parent is one of the most difficult things a person can do; you’re entirely responsible for the care and wellbeing of a new little life. There isn’t a manual, conflicting advice comes from 24 different directions, it’s very difficult to know what to do. I think that the little questioning voice in the back of your mind is the reason for some people being so defensive of their choices; they aren’t entirely sure that what they’re doing is ‘right’.
    .-= Tenille´s last blog ..Thoughtful Flogging =-.

  • http://www.beafunmum.com Kelly Be A Fun Mum

    I was, indeed, surprised at the response of the post. I thought I was highlighting some ‘new’ information I’d discovered that parents would be interested in (as I was). As, you have detailed here, it raised a whole lot more.

    When it comes down to it, we all just do the best we can with the information and resources we have available. Me, I’d love to buy EVERYTHING organic, but it’s just not in my reach. But I buy organic whenever I can. That is enough. I ate ham (SHOCK HORROR) when I was pregant with my first child (I wasn’t given any information to the contrary). I don’t feel guilty about that, I did the best with the information I had.

    I loved Christie’s (Childhood 101) Mums post highlighting to keep it simple and do what right for you. I’m really big on that in parenting. When my sister (who is starting on her parenting journey) asks my advice I tell her what I do but then I say, “In the end, you have to find what works for you and your baby. It’s never going to be exactly the same as me and my baby.”

    For me, it’s not a matter of right and wrong. It’s right if I do the best I can. If I make a mistake, I suck it up and learn from it.

    Don’t judge another unless you’ve walked 10 miles in their shoes.

    Thanks for the great post Zoey.
    .-= Kelly Be A Fun Mum´s last blog ..Make Scramble Eggs Tonight, Have Fun Tomorrow =-.

  • http://www.picklebums.com katepickle

    I think there are some ‘parenting topics’ that people really seemed to get riled up about… and health/medication and especially vaccination is right up there!

    Life is not black and white, parenting is not black and white… you get the information you need to make an informed decision for your family. I find it hard to understand sometimes because for me it is not about anyone else, it is about me and my children and my family….
    .-= katepickle´s last blog ..Friday Fings… =-.

  • http://www.theethologicmom.blogspot.com/ Jen

    This phenomenon happens in healthcare too (probably all industries). New, evidence-based practice takes a really long time to be implemented. For all of us, having a chance to reflect on how new information makes us feel, how it fits our values, our cultural scripts, etc… is an important component to making new information accesible to a wide population for consumption and implementation. Sadly, that isn’t the way most of us are taught to deal with emotions. I try to remember that when I get defensive reactions to objective information. Someday – more reflection – more empathy – more peace! :-)
    .-= Jen´s last blog ..A mother of a birth story – love and pain =-.

  • http://momiaromanticism.blogspot.com/2010/03/pinpointing-weightier-cowgirls-la-video.html Chandra Hurtado

    Very great read! Truely.

  • http://www.goodgoog.com/?fcsite=15264543862287796030&fcprofile=14345014791562511915 MultipleMum

    How true you are Good Goog! I’ve had enough of the competitiveness. It was interesting to find this article the day AFTER my son had a fever following immunisations. I was feeling a bit guilty that I didn’t give him prophylactic panadol and then I stumble upon this snippet (literally BTW). All good. Happy to welcome the new advice :)

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