Inconvenient, Painful and Joyful – Co-Sleeping in the Age of Toddler

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She is a part-time co-sleeper. More full-time than part-time when she’s teething or going through a rough patch, or it’s Sunday. She likes to be in our bed the night before I go to work outside the home.

Sometimes this means that she wakes up a lot earlier in the morning, when Josh leaves for work. And for the record, 5am is not morning, it’s still night in my book. But we get up anyway. Sometimes it means that she comes in to our room in the middle of the night. Or that she wants to go to sleep there at the beginning of the night.

It always means that I’ll end up being kicked, punched, slapped upside the head and sometimes even have my skull cracked by her surprisingly hard little head. Sometimes she head-butts my nose and I see stars. When I’m really hurt, she cries too.

But it’s not something I put up with, or lack the ability to change, or even just accept.

My baby stands in the hall way. She jabs both fingers in the direction of our room. She looks up at me with big eyes. I say yes, happy that she finds so much comfort in the big bed. I treasure the fact that she can ask for what she wants. She excitedly runs towards the room, climbs into bed and nestles into the pillows to sleep. She grins at me before rolling over.

‘Mummy’, ‘mummy’. I see her head peering over our bed in the dark. I pull her up. She can climb up on her own, but not if Josh is sleeping there. Her hands and arms squeeze my neck and she presses her chubby cheek to mine before we drift off together. Often I think that if I had never co-slept I would have missed out on my life.

Sometimes as she’s drifting off, she smiles at me as her eyes get heavy. Sometimes she lifts her hands to touch my face. Sometimes she snuggles up until she is lying on my chest. Sometimes she giggles in her sleep.

Always, she is welcome.

And sometimes, I go in and get her when she is sleeping soundly in her bed. And I am grateful.

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Tagged as: cosleeping, cosleeping, toddler

http://www.alextheseal.blogspot.com Sarah (Maya_Abeille)

Beautiful. I often used to ‘admit’ to co-sleeping in an apologetic kind of way, adding that it was really the last resort on the road to ‘whatever works’ (cue rueful smile). Part of this was due to my husband’s initial resistance to the idea. He grew up in a house where children belonged in their own rooms and nowhere else (although he did used to sleep on the floor next to his mum’s bed when his dad went away for work!). So many people that I’ve come across frown on the practice as weak or lazy parenting (at worst), or else they just don’t get why you’d ‘put up with it’ unless you were ‘giving in’.
One day I came across a woman who cheerfully, even joyfully, admitted to the entire group that she chose to co-sleep, because she loved it. Loved waking up to sleepy smiles, cuddles and kisses. Loved the security it gave her children. Loved the extra bonding time. It was like a revelation to me after experiencing so much negativity towards the idea. I became emboldened and started asserting my ideas in a far more forthright manner. That’s why posts like yours are wonderful. It’s not going to necessarily change some one’s mind if they don’t agree, but it just might help those who are struggling with admitting that this is the way they feel comfortable parenting in the face of outside disapproval or incomprehension.
After two years of patiently ‘converting’ my husband to my co-sleeping ways, on the eve of my daughter’s birth, my husband said the words I had been longing to hear, “I think it’s best we just put her straight in bed with us from the start.” And we have, and we’ve never looked back. Our kids actually each sleep in a Queen size bed so that we can join them if/when they need us. My 4 year old son now sleeps through on his own, and my husband admits that he misses the snuggles, and in retrospect it was over all too soon!

http://goodgoog.com Zoey @ Good Goog

My husband was the one who converted me to the idea. Although I didn’t really need much convincing after Riley was born – but I was one of those people who was dead against having her sleep in our room when I was pregnant. It didn’t last very long. I didn’t even want her to be in the bassinet next to me when we were in hospital. She pretty much stayed on my chest the whole time ;o)

http://www.biggirlbranding.com Cori Padgett

They’re so sweet when they’re still small and cuddly. My 6 year old is still ‘somewhat’ cuddly, but following much too quickly in his 10 year old brothers 1/2 grown footsteps.

I miss the baby/toddler days! Treasure them, they are fleeting.

C

http://goodgoog.com Zoey @ Good Goog

The first two years went so fast I’m sure the next two will go even more quickly! Might as well stock up on kisses and cuddles now before I become too embarrassing and uncool.

http://www.worksformehomemaking.wordpress.com Julie

While we don’t actually co-sleep ourselves (apart from Saturday mornings when we don’t want to get out of bed), it is actually the norm in most parts of the world. It is unusual that as westerners we have our own rooms and our own beds.

I agree with commenter #1. If you say that you co-sleep (or whatever it is) confidently and happily, people are less likely to crticise or question. You did a great job of selling your decision in this post!
.-= Julie´s last blog ..Making meals for new mums (and dads) =-.

http://goodgoog.com Zoey @ Good Goog

I find because I’m positive about it people who do have a problem with it will tend not to comment – and I’m fine with that ;o)

I hear you on the Saturday mornings. We’ve started downloading puzzle apps on the iphone so she can play for a bit before we are forced to get out of the warm bed and get breakfast.

http://mylittledrummerboys.blogspot.com/ Trish

Lovely post.
We co slept with our twins till they were 2yrs old. In the daytime they did use their cot , then cots(2) in their bedroom or my lap or the floor (often).
Eventually when they got to 5months or so DH made a sidecar bed , against my side of the bed & butted up to wall/cnr , he put a base board on the bottom at same height & bed’foot’. It was half sized in length with cut down foam mattress. The babes could lie right next to me.
It just gave me the security that twin 2 wouldn’t roll out of bed (because he had). I could also roll one or both of them over when I needed a little more room (or hmmm we wanted a cuddle alone ).

I loved it ..more because of easy breastfeeding and my laziness to get up during the night. I admit also loved them snuggling. They still at 3yrs come into our bed regularly through the night though we discourage (well DH does mostly) it now or I keep their cot mattress on the floor (two almost 4yrs old is too much for a full night’s comfortable sleeping these days). Plus they are only 95% night trained and I already had one wet bed.
They do everything your dear daughter does & more x 2 poke/prod/whack & scrtah with their sharp toenails.I won’t stop it.
It’s funny …they now know to go first to ensuite toilet , close both bedroom & bathroom doors and them come to my side of the bed …cause Daddy is more likely to take them back .
.-= Trish´s last blog ..Wordless Wedensday – how to bury =-.

http://goodgoog.com Zoey @ Good Goog

*LOL* How cute is that?! I’m sure it takes on a whole new dimension when you bring toilet training into the picture. Although Riley has ‘wet the bed’ by getting a bottle of water and pouring it down my back. Unpleasant! And not exactly how you want to wake up in the morning.

It’s only once you have kids that you realise a King size bed is just not that big . . .

Michelle

My LO wakes me up in a very similar way! It’s worth it though to nestle in to bed together w/ her little legs & arms draped over me..I know that one day I’ll miss this ..even the head butts!