Depression is an Old Friend

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That’s how I choose to think about it. An old friend. Not because I particularly like its company, but because I would struggle to know who I was without it. You don’t get over it so much as manage it. Managing it is probably not an accurate term. It makes it sound like you are in control, when really a good management strategy just gives you enough momentum to survive a trough.

I don’t see much of it anymore because I climbed back from the abyss through a combination of bad writing, days of wallowing, days of frenetic exercise, alphabetising books, alphabetising CDs, moving furniture and when all else failed I stared at myself in the mirror and told myself that it was just a day, it wasn’t my whole damn life. And I ignored everyone who ever asked me the question: what do you have to be depressed about? Because there was no reason and that’s kind of the point.

But lately I’ve started to notice that every month, although I’ve never really been one to get PMS, I get really anxious. And the anxiety feeds on itself, because it’s not about anything. Everything is on edge and I can’t relax and I just can’t shake the feeling deep down in my body that something is very, very wrong. But of course, it isn’t. It’s the anxiety rearing its ugly head. And it’s when that happens that I would like to be entirely not myself for awhile. A holiday from me sounds like an excellent plan.

At least I don’t have to talk to myself in the mirror anymore.

This face in the morning usually does the trick.

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Tagged as: anxiety, depression

http://rosiescribble.typepad.com Rosie Scribble

She is so cute! I have suffered from depression on and off for many years, but now I know if it rears its ugly head, I just to go with it because it never lasts as long now as it used to. It is definitely a curse.

http://goodgoog.com zoey @ goodgoog

@Rosie Scribble, Thanks Rosie! Definitely doesn’t last nearly as long as it used to and I think it always helps if I don’t get too caught up in it and resist the temptation to wallow. Of course it also really helps to say what’s going on because it’s amazing what getting it out of your own head can do.

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http://ceaselesspraises.blogspot.com Carrie

I can’t imagine asking someone what they have to be depressed about – obviously those people have never suffered from depression! It makes you feel worse when people ask you things like that!!! I’m sorry you’re suffering from anxiety, but I’m glad you’re able to work through it, and I know kids can help for sure.
.-= Carrie´s last blog ..Vacation Hilarity =-.

http://goodgoog.com zoey @ goodgoog

@Carrie, I know! It shows a profound misunderstanding of the nature of the beast ;o)

http://coloursofsunset.wordpress.com coloursofsunset

I think the worst part about depression (other than, you know, all of it) is when you think you are handling things well, and something devastating happens, and you don’t know if what you’re feeling is genuine grief over said event, or if it’s depression. I was on top of things, and got there thanks to medication, then my dad died. now, that is obviously something tragic that I *should* be depressed about. But for how long? And how depressed? I feel like I live life in fear that the downward spiral is about to start and it will be a slippery slide when it does. So you spend so much time monitoring it that its hard to not start sliding.