Don't Worry, Be Happy

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Sometimes worries take over and there is nothing else. I retreat from living and spend time alone with my troublesome worries. Even more troublesome is the fact that each individual worry is really nothing, nothing worth worrying about anyway, but they take over pretty quickly anyway.

I don’t write or blog or laugh or enjoy my favourite tv shows or read or plan or clean or do any of things that I really enjoy. I just worry. And it continues that way until I force myself to move. Force myself to clean the kitchen. Force myself to pick up the camera. Force my attention away from the magnitude of nothingness.

I would have thought that amongst all the work, cleaning and toddler wrangling, I wouldn’t have time for this type of worrying. But anxieties make time for themselves just fine. If only I could use their making time powers for good, instead of evil. If only. But they have no purpose.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a different personality. Because sometimes I could use a holiday from myself. I’m exhausting, sometimes. And then I can go for months without these random little worries creeping in and creating a mental whirlwind. I think too much. Or too much about the wrong things. Maybe I should just drink more. I’d kill some braincells and worry a little bit less. Because that sounds like a totally healthy plan.

But I am who I am and sometimes that just means I have to put up with being lost for a little while.

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http://www.blogger.com/profile/12932508388869573748 Megan

I know how you feel. So often people tell me to chill out and not think about things so much, but that’s just who I am. Sometimes it’s a good thing, other times not so much and you just want an ‘off’ switch for your brain.

Hope it passes soon.
.-= Megan´s last blog ..Writing Out Loud =-.
http://www.wanderlustlust.com Wanderlust

Have you considered talking to your doctor about this, that perhaps it’s not just your personality but a bit of PPD? If it’s something that keeps you from laughing or doing the things you usually enjoy, it might be worth looking into. I think it’s quite common. I had a tough time when my kids were young and I know quite a few women do, especially staying home alone and feeling isolated. Sometimes when the anxiety is in high gear it gets difficult to manage on our own and some support is helpful, even though it can be difficult to seek out. Hope you feel more settled soon.
.-= Wanderlust´s last blog ..WTF Australia ?!? =-.
http://www.blogger.com/profile/14275467270269763917 marcime

I know how you feel just like Kristin at Wanderlust up there, young children and do that…and a very active brain…and I know exactly what you mean when you want to turn it off – escape from it – and like you said, take a holiday away from yourself that line made me smile – I thought that all the time -

you know when you are engaged in an activity, so focused, that you are wrapped up in it and its as if you are not thinking at all – you are in the moment as they say? Find out what does that for you – thats a great escape from thy brain… it works for me – or try meditation, yoga etc – whatever peaks your interest…
M.
.-= marcime´s last blog ..Writers Rising =-.
http://www.ahthepossibilities.com Seraphim

I read your post last night and spent a bit of time thinking on it because I wanted to say the right thing. I think you know I suffer from anxiety frequently, my way of managing it is running. I think they give me the endorphin hit I need.
It’s hard when you are juggling everything you have on your plate to find time out. I really know! But you absolutely need to do that. Like marcime said, find something separate for you to do that’s just for you.
And hugs xoxox
.-= Seraphim´s last blog ..Working with caustic soda =-.
http://www.unlikelymama.net Amber

HA, I’m such an over-thinker! Probably why everyone tells me I should smoke pot. Probably not the healthiest way to deal with my issues either
.-= Amber´s last blog ..Mind Your Business =-.