Discipline and the Mighty Toddler

Riley is nearly 18 months old and I’m yet to come across a situation that would require even an early form of discipline. Some of the mothers’ in our play group are already using time outs or a slap on the hand. I don’t believe in any form of slapping/smacking/threat of either as a way of discipline myself and have heard that it is ineffective anyway. Although I’m so against it I doubt I would use it even if it did work. I agree with MomHouston that most of the time distraction is the way to go. Is it just me or is 18 months too early for time outs?

I couldn’t really think of something that would warrant a time-out anyway. It’s not that she doesn’t have tantrums (she does!) but I don’t think it’s right to discipline her for what is essentially a form of self expression. So I address the tantrums that need addressing (tired tantrums – straight to bed; frustrated tantrums -help her out) and ignore/distract/ignore the I’m-not-getting-my-way-and-I’m-really-steamed-about-it tantrums.

And although there are things that I wish she wouldn’t do (switch off the television at the powerpoint, empty the kitchen cupboards) – they’re things that I have to teach her. And let’s face it if letting her pull out the containers in the kitchen cupboard gives me the time to make some dinner/do some dishes it’s totally worth it.

Maybe I’m deluding myself and I’ll end up with an unruly child – but I just don’t see it.

Sometimes I give myself a time-out – now that is something that I can see the benefit in.

Update

I recently received a comment about this post which led me to re-read what I had written. The commenter noted that I may have been being disloyal to my mothers group in my post (above). As someone who prides myself on loyalty I took this seriously, asked other peoples opinions and discussed it with trusted family members.

I can see on re-reading my words that it sounds very different on the page than it did in my head and I can see how it appears to be dismissive and judgemental.

On the page, me saying “Some of the mothers’ in our play group are already using time outs or a slap on the hand”and “Is it just me or is 18 months too early for time outs?” are two statements that most definitely sound like I’m being negative, judgemental and critical about parents using discipline with 18 month olds.

However, in my head, the narrative went something like this:

Other parents are disciplining their child. Should I be disciplining my child? I should probably be disciplining her. What should I be disciplining her for? I can’t think of anything that would warrant discipline. Am I being too permissive? Would she understand it if I did put her in time out? I don’t want to discipline her unless she’s actually being naughty. She’s not being naughty. Is that normal?

It obviously didn’t translate like that on the page. This may be the perils of quickly writing posts at midnight. If I was re-writing I would pick my words more carefully and say what I wanted to say which is discipline is too early for my 18 month old based on her behaviour and temperment.

As this post was written over a month ago, we have now progressed to discipline. At the moment I’m using a version of time outs but I want to read Alfie Kohn’s Unconditional Parenting before I commit to a discipline style.

It was important for me to clarify this because I love, respect and admire every single woman in my mothers group. Between moving to a different area and not meeting people/making friends easily I’m positive that if it weren’t for my mothers group I’d be a blubbering mess in the corner by now. I may have a very strong opinion about discipline (among other things – I have a strong opinion about EVERYTHING – it’s one of my more annoying qualities) but it doesn’t stop me from respecting other peoples different choices. And although it may not have seemed like it, this post had far more to do with my own insecurities about discipline than anything else.

Tagged as: discipline, tantrums, toddler