Being Unprepared

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I was reading The Feminist is Breeding and it resonated with how I’ve felt being pregnant and no longer trying to conceive. After 9 months of trying, I stopped even thinking about being pregnant. It was just all about getting a positive pregnancy test. I didn’t think about baby stuff or doctors appointments or making sure I ate a healthy diet or any of those things. Because after so long, it was all about getting pregnant, not being pregnant.

And so when it happened, I was not really prepared for it. I was just overwhelmed with relief that we didn’t have to try anymore.

And because I was so convinced I wasn’t pregnant I’d allowed a smoking relapse to continue. So when I found out and I had to quit it was all a bit of a rude shock. And adding withdrawals to pregnancy hormones is not really something that you want to try, trust me. And although I don’t want to be a smoker, I prefer my life as a non-smoker and I don’t want my children to pick up my bad habits (or even worse get sick from them), I have to admit it is hard. Very hard. You’d think that being pregnant would make it easier. And in some way it does, because you have that much more motivation. But it’s not magic, you’re still an addict even when you’re pregnant. An emotional, hormonal one. Who is without the one thing that she usually does to push her emotions down from the surface. I know, such a healthy, balanced approach.

It’s something I’ve struggled with my entire adult life. It was extraordinarily difficult to give up when I was pregnant with Riley and most likely because I felt so ambivalent about giving up back then I went back to it pretty much as soon as she was born. So feel free to yell at me for breastfeeding and smoking at the same time, but I guarantee you won’t be saying anything to me that I haven’t already said to myself.

And all it takes is one tiny moment of weakness to blow the whole thing. Which is not that easy to come by when your husband still smokes a few cigarettes a day. Which is a whole lot better than my pre-child pack a day habit. But still, that packet of cigarettes is just sitting there, ready to take advantage of one tiny moment of wavering.

But so far, so good. I just have to keep telling myself that in the life I want for myself, I am not a smoker.

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Tagged as: breastfeeding, nicotine, pregnancy, smoking, trying to conceive

http://ceaselesspraises.blogspot.com Carrie

Wow, that must be so hard. I’ve never been a smoker but my addiction is ice cream/food, and I always have gestational diabetes from eating too much sugar during my pregnancies, so I understand (to an extent), the hormones and trying to give up the thing that makes you feel better. I’ll be praying for you!

http://goodgoog.com Zoey @ Good Goog

Thanks Carrie Ironically I really crave sugary foods when I’m quitting smoking but I can’t have too much of them because I had such difficulty with tooth decay in my last pregnancy and I’d prefer not to have a repeat performance!

http://www.strocel.com Amber

Breastfeeding and smoking is much better than NOT breastfeeding and smoking, which is what many people opt for. So I will definitely not yell.

What I will say is congratulations, and good luck with the quitting!

http://goodgoog.com Zoey @ Good Goog

Thanks Amber. I did try to minimise the ill effects by not smoking right before a feed, but always felt pretty awful about it anyway.

Here’s hoping that the big nausea that hit today will make the next few weeks that much easier.

http://marfmom.com MarfMom

Good luck! You’ve got lots of people rooting for you. You can do it!

http://goodgoog.com Zoey @ Good Goog

Thank you!!

http://codenamemama.com Dionna @ Code Name: Mama

Ditto Amber.
I quit a pack a day habit the moment I got my + pg test, it was easier than I thought it would be, because I was thinking about the health of my child. I’ll be honest though, it’s a lot harder now that my child isn’t sharing my bloodstream. I haven’t picked up another cigarette though, because I know 1 cigarette would quickly turn into 5, 10, etc.
I would personally 1) throw the pack out – don’t let it sit there tempting you. I could NEVER have cigarettes around. Yikes. 2) Ask your hubby to smoke somewhere else, and brush/change shirts/wash his hands before he kisses you. That’s really not too much to ask, I used to do it when I was hiding smoking from Tom years ago (ha!).
Good luck!

http://goodgoog.com Zoey @ Good Goog

Yeah I agree. I’m working on getting him to leave his cigarettes in the car – because it’s just too difficult otherwise.

http://www.diminishinglucy.com Lucy

No yelling from me. None at all. Been there, done that.

Zoey, have you come across this book? Allen Carr’s Easyway to Stop Smoking – Australia

http://goodgoog.com Zoey @ Good Goog

Thanks Lucy – I’ve read it – it definitely helped me the first time I quit.

http://www.goodgoog.com/?fcsite=15264543862287796030&fcprofile=06871161649659210629 Lori

Ugh. I quite twice when I was pregnant, I know how yuck it is. Hang on there.

Oh, and ditto Amber

http://goodgoog.com Zoey @ Good Goog

Thanks Lori

http://www.unlikelymama.net Amber

Do you know how good it makes me feel to read this? Do you know the shame I’ve been living with for the last year or so? Oh wait, of course you do!

I’ve smoked most of my adult life. Wait, no…ALL of my adult life, save for the 7 months I was pregnant. While it was really easy to quit while knocked up (made me so nauseous I couldn’t even walk on the same side of the road as someone smoking ahead of me), It was even easier to start back up again.

I have felt horrible the whole time. Am I poisoning my baby? Is it my fault she has allergies (yeah, to milk, I know it’s stupid)?

I used to actually go out covered from top to bottom, even in the summer. I had a smoking jacket, lol…just so I didn’t have to change my shirt over and over. I wash my hands, I lotion up so they don’t have any residual smell, I tried to time it so she didn’t have to nurse right away after I smoked (yeah, because you can time that shit with a newborn?), I rinsed my mouth out every single time. I was crazy, still am.

This weekend I felt like I was outed, but was sooooooooooo freakin’ relieved when some of my close bloggy buddies had the same secret. Like, as mothers, we’re not allowed to do anything wrong ever. It sucks, specially for those of us like us who are advocates of healthy living blah blah blah for our kids. FACK! The Pressure.

OK, I’ll stop now. But I’m just way to happy to know I’m not alone.