All Discipline is Ineffective

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A recent study with the under 2 set has found that all discipline is equally ineffective. I’ve suspected this for some time, and this study seems to confirm it. Of course, the focus in this study was praise and distraction vs whatever method of discipline a family chose to use – so it isn’t a detailed comparison of various discipline approaches. However it’s not dis-similar from some of the findings of Unconditional Parenting which found that regardless of the method of discipline used, 80% of toddlers will repeat the behaviour that was disciplined within a matter of minutes or hours.

All this leads me to believe that there are possibly only two parenting tools you really need. One is a giant vat of patience. And the other is a ginormous barrel of persistence.

And so far, my most successful method of getting Riley to do what I need her to do in any given situation, whether that be at home, at a friend’s place or at the supermarket? Time. I wait, until she’s ready to do whatever it is. It’s not always convenient, but for her anyway, it’s far more effective than anything else I’ve tried.

What do you think? How did you work out your method of discipline? What’s been most effective with your toddler?

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Tagged as: discipline, praise, punishment, toddlers

http://www.digitalwoe.com/ Lynda

I completely agree with you. Patience and persistence! Once Elias turned two, we started giving him time-outs and counting him via the Magic 1-2-3 method and it worked really well. Compromise has also started to work on him. “Let’s go potty and then we’ll play outside.” and it also works the other way around, “If you don’t pick up these toys, you’re going to bed right now.” (This was 30 minutes before his usual bedtime – he hadn’t taken a nap that day and was being so obnoxious!)

Noah is in that stage where he just cannot take direction. It is so frustrating and I have another year of it at least! He keeps pushing the receiver button to turn it off when we’re watching TV. Nothing works to deter him, so I just move him over to the play room every time he does it.

http://goodgoog.com Zoey @ Good Goog

I’m finding getting Riley to choose from a couple of options really helpful too. Like when we’re out – if you don’t hold my hand we’re staying in this spot until you’re ready to – or when she’s mucking around at bedtime – pick a story or it’s straight to bed. It’s still on her terms, but it vastly reduces my frustration levels.

http://www.blogger.com/profile/09980352147028827607 TheEthologicMom

Yes! Patience, persistance, lots of hugs and a nice glass of wine after bedtime!

http://goodgoog.com Zoey @ Good Goog

I’m with you there!

http://twitter.com/kleenexmums Melissa

Patience, distraction, hugging it out, threats of no more epsiodes of ‘Shaun the Sheep’ and yes, a glass of wine for me after bedtime too!

http://goodgoog.com Zoey @ Good Goog

I’m a big fan of hugging it out and Riley’s at the age now where she asks for hugs, which is pretty fantastic.

http://www.goodgoog.com/?fcsite=15264543862287796030&fcprofile=13027185617605341381 Cat

I’m spooked out by this but not actually surprised. You are the source of fascinating information as always Ms Zoey!

http://goodgoog.com Zoey @ Good Goog

That’s my job. To totally freak you out.

http://www.marissawritesablog.blogspot.com marissa

My little one’s only 1 so I allow plenty of time for everything at the moment! Getting her dressed takes a good half hour every morning cause she likes to escape and crawl away…. usually right after I take her nappy off! If I don’t rush it becomes a special time for us, so enjoy it more too

http://goodgoog.com Zoey @ Good Goog

Same here (even at 2) getting dressed takes quite awhile when you’re dealing with an escape artist.

http://diapermonologues.com/ mrs.notouching

Constant supervision and distraction… I keep reminding myself that this is only a phase, right? RIGHT?!

http://goodgoog.com Zoey @ Good Goog

That’s what I keep telling myself!

http://codenamemama.com Dionna @ Code Name: Mama

Very interesting! Thanks for pointing out that research!
http://www.unlikelymama.net Amber

I’m STILL reading Unconditional Parenting! I really need a few hours to myself, where the internet isn’t an option, ha ;D
I can’t even imagine trying to discipline my now (almost) 17 month old. I’d say, up till 3…there’s no way for most toddlers to really get it.

http://goodgoog.com Zoey @ Good Goog

I agree. I think it’s good to start something and be consistent with it, but be prepared for them to basically ignore you anyway

http://www.unlikelymama.net Amber

I keep telling myself that all the explaining I do when I want her to change what she’s doing…is really just practice training for me for when she’s really able to be reasoned with

http://www.goodgoog.com/?fcsite=15264543862287796030&fcprofile=13027185617605341381 Cat

So there’s something kinda wrong with me cos I can’t stop thinking about this. What happens after 2? What techniques work then? We hit 2 in about 2 months and I’m getting screams of, “No, don’t want to” now which are beginning to freak me out a little and I don’t want them to go through uncommented on. Blah! Is it just me trying to control things again (that’s me, little control freak) and not wanting to accept that there’s little I can do to discipline in a sustainable, kind and loving way that actually gets the message across. Especially cos he hits and kicks and screams when he doesn’t get his own way. I’m overthinking this aren’t I?

http://goodgoog.com Zoey @ Good Goog

I think it just depends what you’re comfortable with. Obviously you want to direct behaviour in terms of what’s appropriate and what’s not and be consistent with it. But a lot of the research I’ve read is that the whole range of options from talking/reasoning to time-outs to punishments to spanking are no more effective than one another with toddlers.

So I’ve picked what I’m most comfortable with which is talking/reasoning/negotiating. Yes, they’re still likely to repeat the misbehaviour within a few hours, but eventually if you’re consistent with it I think it starts to kick in.

Like today, Riley kept pushing me and saying ‘get away!’ which is not really what I’d like her to be doing. So I asked her to say ‘on my own’ instead and without the pushing and by this evening she was doing that. Admittedly she was still screaming it. But it’s progress!